Can't take it anymore!

So many times I feel like I can't take it anymore.

I've been in Italy for 9 months now, it's been a journey, I've passed so many things, learned so many things, cried so many times... and there are some days, like today, that I just feel like that, I just feel like it's too much, that I have no more strength, that I want to go home, that I want all of this to be over soon...

Well, the way I came here is kind of a dream come true, but at the same time it's a little strange. I did not have the money I was required to have to get the student visa, so I pretend I had, got the visa and came, trusting that God would support me, and He's been supporting me, but sometimes things just seem a lot more difficult than I could ever imagine, and I can't help thinking that I shouldn't have come, that I lied to be here now, I mean, if I needed to lie to be here, then maybe that was not God's will that I came here in the first place, maybe He let me have the opportunity to came here exactly to see if I would lie, and I did, and it kills me sometimes, it kills me because I already did so many wrong things because of my lack of knowledge, because I was not used to ask God what He wanted me to do before doing it, because I spent so much time being a Christian but without getting to know Christ (if that is possible).

What comforts me is that I know He forgives me, every time I ask, He forgives me and He never leaves me alone, and all I ask Him is to give me the knowledge and the strength it takes to do His will in any circumstances.

Right now I'm not where I'd like to be, I don't have what I'd like to have, I'm not doing what I'd like to do, I'm not feeling like I'd like to feel... but I'm learning so much... I'm learning to trust God always, I'm learning to give importance to what's really important, I'm learning to get hurt by people all the time but still loving them, I'm learning that I can't change some things, but I have to learn how to change myself, or even better, letting God changes me.
I learned one more thing today: I have a friend that suffers of bulimia, and I've been trying to take her to Jesus, to make her see that He is the only way to change her life, etc. Then I write her long emails asking God to make me write what He wants me too, to write things that will really touch her hearth, and then I send the email and wait for her to answer, and this has been going on for some time now, and well, I found out today that every time I write to her and get back a even longer email saying that she is helpless, that she already heard everything I said, but that she just can't talk to God, and that this disease is killing her, etc, I get so sad that everything else that might happen that day will seem so much bigger than it really is, I mean, those days a simple joke might hurt me, even if I try to convince myself it's just a joke... and then I start feeling like I can't take it anymore... and then I wonder how is it possible for someone who doesn't know my God to go through this life?

Life is not easy to anyone, I just wish people could find the peace I found in Jesus, the love that takes me from the floor every time I feel like I can't get up.


For who tought I only listened to United, here's something different that I also listen to!





"Cry out to Jesus" by Third Day


God bless you all!