Jeremiah 17:10 "I the LORD search the heart, I try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doings."
Since I've trying to study for some time today without any success I decided to write some things that just won't get out of my mind these days.
I've been thinking a lot lately about "being tried". Well, I know a lot of people (including me, of course) that seems to be always with the same problem... some have healthy problems, others emotional problems, a lot financial problems, and so on... and the thing I've been observing these days is how people that have those kind of constant "trials" on their lives react to it.
I guess we could even categorize the way people deal with "trials":
1 - There are those people that say: "Oh God, why are You doing this to me?", I'd call them the "poor me" people. They usually complain all the time, they are always expecting something bad to happen again just after a problem goes away, they always blame someone else, some blame God, some blame the enemy, some blame situations that happened on the past, whatever excuse they can find to find a reason for their situation... "Oh, the enemy is trying to destroy my life, that's why I never have a relationship that last more than 2 moths", "Oh, I never have money because the world is not fair."...
2 - Another category is of the people who says: "It's just a trial, I will just wait for it to pass and them everything will be good again". These are what I would call "lazy optimistic", those people that pass their lives sitting and waiting for something to get better, then things get better, they enjoy some moments and the "trial" comes again, so they sit and wait for it to pass... "Of course it will pass, I'm praying and my God will give me the victory"...
Well, I could spend hours here categorizing people and their reactions to the "trials", but at the end what really matters is not the different reactions people have, but their lack of action. What do I mean? I mean that if it's a trial you need to be approved, otherwise you'll have to take the test again, how many times it takes till you pass, because God is trying to change our character so we can be the way He wants us to be.
What I normally see are people complaining they don't have money (I talk about this because it's the thing I see the most, I'm Brazilian, few people there never had money problems), then they start praying so that God may bless them (of course, nobody wants not to have money even to eat), but even before they start praying they already spend the money they believe God is going to give them, and them when the money arrives they are already without any money. Of course I believe God can bless people with money, God can whatever He wants, it's obvious, He's God, but what people forget is that He is also our father, and that He wants us to be the way He made us to be, so He has to teach us, but most of the times we think we learned something and just go back to act exactly the way we did before...
So, what I'm learning these days is that when I'm passing through some "trial" in my life I need to act. Of course the enemy wants to destroy our lives, he came for that, but if you've been saved by the blood of Christ the enemy can't touch you; it's obvious that things we did on the past have consequences, but they don't define our lives, once we've accepted Christ our sin was erased, God is not punishing you because of your sin, Jesus already died for that, and He raised again, defeating forever the enemy; to pray is one of the better things we can do in this life, it brings us closer to God, it makes us understand God, I'd say it almost defines our relationship with Him, and I'm one of the persons that can really say that God hear our prayers and He even move mountains to answer our requests, but you can't pray and not listen to God's answer, it's easy to ask God to give us something, but it's not always easy to ask Him to show us what we need to change in order to have that thing we want, it's not easy to ask God to show us what we have to do to get what we need, it's not always easy to ask God to change us so that we won't keep making the same mistakes.
The point of this long wondering is that we need to put our lives in the Potter's Hands and let Him work on us, being available to do what He wants us to, paying attention to what He is telling us to do, and most important, doing it.
"The Potter's Hands" by Hillsong
God bless you all!
15.6.07
Giving it all to God!
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding."-Proverbs 3:5 (NLT)
I’m in the middle of an non ending boring class about Usability of Web Applications, well, it should not be boring, I’m actually a little bit interested in the matter, but the professor is not helping too much, what makes me wonder how important it is to follow your real talents in life, and not do something just for doing it even if you’re not good at all in doing it.
I’m in the middle of an non ending boring class about Usability of Web Applications, well, it should not be boring, I’m actually a little bit interested in the matter, but the professor is not helping too much, what makes me wonder how important it is to follow your real talents in life, and not do something just for doing it even if you’re not good at all in doing it.
Anyway, the fact that I’m passing through some really though times right now made me wonder one more time what is the meaning of “To be a disciple costs us everything”, this phrase just won’t get out of my mind.
Well, we are in the middle of the year of 2007 (I think that today is exactly the middle of the year, but it doesn’t matter, just an observation), I should graduate at the end of this year, but instead I’m in Italy studying to get a double degree, listening to really bad English almost everyday, which makes me feel like my English is getting worse each day, trying to learn Italian, which is kind of difficult for me once I have to do everything in English at the university except talking to Italians; I have no money in my wallet nor in my bank account; I need to find a place to live before September, and find money to pay for it; I have to buy my flight ticket back to Brazil in order to get the permission to stay in Italy for one more year, which is the time I need to finish the studies; I need to have a lot of money to show the "questura" in order to get the permission as well… I’ve come to a point when I just can’t take anymore this much “have to”, “need to”, and sometimes I just feel like my world is completely falling apart.
Then I made a decision regarding my permanence here. Of course I believe that being here is a dream come true, but the means I used to get here are not the most noble ones, I lied to get the visa and the permission to stay here, I said I had money that I didn’t, a lot of people helped, land me the money I needed to show to the consulate and everything, my parents are working like crazy just so I’ll have at least food here, my whole family is helping as they can and everybody is really proud of me, but the thing is, I’m not, I’m not proud at all of being here, because I had to lie to be here, I did not trust God enough to say “If I can’t go, I won’t go”, and if it was really His will that I came here, I’m sure He would have opened doors to get me here. So, this time it will be different, I decided I won’t lie anymore, if at the time I need to show the money, to have the flat contract, to have the flight ticket, etc, I don’t, I will just pack my bags and go back home, because now I understand that if God closes all doors it will be because He doesn’t want me here.
This hard decision I’m making remimd me of one fact that happened exactly two years ago. One week before the date 15/6/2005 I arrived at home at night coming from my ex-boyfriend’s (at that time sill boyfriend)house, one more time I was crying without apparent reason, I did not know what was wrong, or at least I was not sure, I just could not take anymore things the way they were, and them I went to the window of my bedroom at the 10th floor, looked at the sky and said to God: “Dear Father, I can’t take it anymore, if this relationship is not of your will, that it might end, I just want to do what You want me to do, I give this relationship completely to you, do whatever You want with it, but do something, please, I can’t stand crying anymore. In the name of Jesus I pray. Amen.!”
I guess it was the most changing moment of my life (till that moment), it was the first time I was really putting something in God’s hands with all my heart and soul. Well, one week after that, in the 15/6/2005 my boyfriend came to me and said: “I think we should break up”. Wow, it was so shocking, I wanted to die… then I remembered my prayer and not so much time later I was not just completely healed but I was finally free and living really for God and not for a relationship. The lesson I learned with that was that when we really put things in God’s hands with no reserves, giving really all we are to Him, to His control, it’s just then that things change, that lives are changed.
So, that’s what I’m doing right now, putting my stay here in God’s hands and waiting for His answer, and I’m sure it will come, and when it comes, even if it’s not the answer I want to have, I’ll do whatever He asks me to, because at the end that’s all that matters, live for His kingdom, for His glory, for His will!!
I'm giving it all to the one I love!!
"Follow the Son" - by Hillsong London (tough this performance is by Hillsong AUS)
God bless you all!!
9.6.07
Can't take it anymore!
So many times I feel like I can't take it anymore.
I've been in Italy for 9 months now, it's been a journey, I've passed so many things, learned so many things, cried so many times... and there are some days, like today, that I just feel like that, I just feel like it's too much, that I have no more strength, that I want to go home, that I want all of this to be over soon...
Well, the way I came here is kind of a dream come true, but at the same time it's a little strange. I did not have the money I was required to have to get the student visa, so I pretend I had, got the visa and came, trusting that God would support me, and He's been supporting me, but sometimes things just seem a lot more difficult than I could ever imagine, and I can't help thinking that I shouldn't have come, that I lied to be here now, I mean, if I needed to lie to be here, then maybe that was not God's will that I came here in the first place, maybe He let me have the opportunity to came here exactly to see if I would lie, and I did, and it kills me sometimes, it kills me because I already did so many wrong things because of my lack of knowledge, because I was not used to ask God what He wanted me to do before doing it, because I spent so much time being a Christian but without getting to know Christ (if that is possible).
What comforts me is that I know He forgives me, every time I ask, He forgives me and He never leaves me alone, and all I ask Him is to give me the knowledge and the strength it takes to do His will in any circumstances.
Right now I'm not where I'd like to be, I don't have what I'd like to have, I'm not doing what I'd like to do, I'm not feeling like I'd like to feel... but I'm learning so much... I'm learning to trust God always, I'm learning to give importance to what's really important, I'm learning to get hurt by people all the time but still loving them, I'm learning that I can't change some things, but I have to learn how to change myself, or even better, letting God changes me.
I learned one more thing today: I have a friend that suffers of bulimia, and I've been trying to take her to Jesus, to make her see that He is the only way to change her life, etc. Then I write her long emails asking God to make me write what He wants me too, to write things that will really touch her hearth, and then I send the email and wait for her to answer, and this has been going on for some time now, and well, I found out today that every time I write to her and get back a even longer email saying that she is helpless, that she already heard everything I said, but that she just can't talk to God, and that this disease is killing her, etc, I get so sad that everything else that might happen that day will seem so much bigger than it really is, I mean, those days a simple joke might hurt me, even if I try to convince myself it's just a joke... and then I start feeling like I can't take it anymore... and then I wonder how is it possible for someone who doesn't know my God to go through this life?
Life is not easy to anyone, I just wish people could find the peace I found in Jesus, the love that takes me from the floor every time I feel like I can't get up.
For who tought I only listened to United, here's something different that I also listen to!
"Cry out to Jesus" by Third Day
God bless you all!
I've been in Italy for 9 months now, it's been a journey, I've passed so many things, learned so many things, cried so many times... and there are some days, like today, that I just feel like that, I just feel like it's too much, that I have no more strength, that I want to go home, that I want all of this to be over soon...
Well, the way I came here is kind of a dream come true, but at the same time it's a little strange. I did not have the money I was required to have to get the student visa, so I pretend I had, got the visa and came, trusting that God would support me, and He's been supporting me, but sometimes things just seem a lot more difficult than I could ever imagine, and I can't help thinking that I shouldn't have come, that I lied to be here now, I mean, if I needed to lie to be here, then maybe that was not God's will that I came here in the first place, maybe He let me have the opportunity to came here exactly to see if I would lie, and I did, and it kills me sometimes, it kills me because I already did so many wrong things because of my lack of knowledge, because I was not used to ask God what He wanted me to do before doing it, because I spent so much time being a Christian but without getting to know Christ (if that is possible).
What comforts me is that I know He forgives me, every time I ask, He forgives me and He never leaves me alone, and all I ask Him is to give me the knowledge and the strength it takes to do His will in any circumstances.
Right now I'm not where I'd like to be, I don't have what I'd like to have, I'm not doing what I'd like to do, I'm not feeling like I'd like to feel... but I'm learning so much... I'm learning to trust God always, I'm learning to give importance to what's really important, I'm learning to get hurt by people all the time but still loving them, I'm learning that I can't change some things, but I have to learn how to change myself, or even better, letting God changes me.
I learned one more thing today: I have a friend that suffers of bulimia, and I've been trying to take her to Jesus, to make her see that He is the only way to change her life, etc. Then I write her long emails asking God to make me write what He wants me too, to write things that will really touch her hearth, and then I send the email and wait for her to answer, and this has been going on for some time now, and well, I found out today that every time I write to her and get back a even longer email saying that she is helpless, that she already heard everything I said, but that she just can't talk to God, and that this disease is killing her, etc, I get so sad that everything else that might happen that day will seem so much bigger than it really is, I mean, those days a simple joke might hurt me, even if I try to convince myself it's just a joke... and then I start feeling like I can't take it anymore... and then I wonder how is it possible for someone who doesn't know my God to go through this life?
Life is not easy to anyone, I just wish people could find the peace I found in Jesus, the love that takes me from the floor every time I feel like I can't get up.
For who tought I only listened to United, here's something different that I also listen to!
"Cry out to Jesus" by Third Day
God bless you all!
6.6.07
Ideas!
There is so much going on in my life right now that I shouldn't even be writing here, but as some weeks ago I decided that I was not going to give up the things I started I'm writing anyway.
Even though I think it's much better to use few words to say a lot than to use too much words to say nothing, I'm not sure if I manage to do the first.
The thing is, I have so many thoughts about everything that sometimes I can't even get the time to organize my thoughts, specially when it's the end of another semester at the University and I have so many things to delivery till the end of the month that I don't even know if I'll manage to do all of them.
Anyway, it seems that's when I'm most busy that all the ideas a creative mind could have come to my mind. Yeah, I had an idea for a dance, an idea for a play, an idea for taking education to poor children all over the world, an idea for making the youth group of the church of Como more united, etc, etc, etc...
At the same time a have a lack of ideas about a lot of other practical things, like what to write to a friend that needs to accept Jesus, how to learn to shut up when I don't have anything good to say, how to learn to sing without "killing" other people, how to get a job, how to stop thinking in things that I want to stop thinking about but that I can't, how to make people see that things only change when we change first, etc, etc, etc...
Well, at the end I leave both (the ideas and the lack of them) in God's hands, and I'm sure that for the ideas He'll give me the way to put them in practice, and for the lack of them, He'll give me all the answers, and He's already giving!
Thank You Jesus, for giving me ideas, thoughts, strength, answers, passions, tears of joy, happiness, life, freedom!!!!!! YOU'RE THE GREATEST LOVE THAT ANYONE COULD EVER KNOW!!
"To the ends of the earth" by Hillsong.
God bless you all!
Even though I think it's much better to use few words to say a lot than to use too much words to say nothing, I'm not sure if I manage to do the first.
The thing is, I have so many thoughts about everything that sometimes I can't even get the time to organize my thoughts, specially when it's the end of another semester at the University and I have so many things to delivery till the end of the month that I don't even know if I'll manage to do all of them.
Anyway, it seems that's when I'm most busy that all the ideas a creative mind could have come to my mind. Yeah, I had an idea for a dance, an idea for a play, an idea for taking education to poor children all over the world, an idea for making the youth group of the church of Como more united, etc, etc, etc...
At the same time a have a lack of ideas about a lot of other practical things, like what to write to a friend that needs to accept Jesus, how to learn to shut up when I don't have anything good to say, how to learn to sing without "killing" other people, how to get a job, how to stop thinking in things that I want to stop thinking about but that I can't, how to make people see that things only change when we change first, etc, etc, etc...
Well, at the end I leave both (the ideas and the lack of them) in God's hands, and I'm sure that for the ideas He'll give me the way to put them in practice, and for the lack of them, He'll give me all the answers, and He's already giving!
Thank You Jesus, for giving me ideas, thoughts, strength, answers, passions, tears of joy, happiness, life, freedom!!!!!! YOU'RE THE GREATEST LOVE THAT ANYONE COULD EVER KNOW!!
"To the ends of the earth" by Hillsong.
God bless you all!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
