Well, I don't actually have anything in mind to write right know, but I'm at the University, I have to leave in less than one hour to go give computer lesson and that is not enough time to start doing anything I need to do for my school works, so I decided to write something.
The first thing I'd like to share is that it's being so difficult to be in the church I'm attending here in Italy right now! As much as I know that when you start attending a church it's always difficult to make new friends, to get involved, and so on, I've been feeling so useless that it even makes me a bit sad sometimes!
My life as a Christian (that is a member of a church, because I attended before that at my mom's church) started in a really big church in Brazil, when I moved to Sao Paulo to attend University! At that time the soccer player Kakà was getting in the top, so he was really in evidence everywhere, I knew he was a Christian, so I found out which church he attended and decided to go and see if I liked. I liked at first, I got baptized there, I sang in a huge choir they put together to record the annual praise album, I even started participating in weekly reunions of discipulate, but I could never feel that I was doing something for God and neither feel that I was involved with the ministry at any level, and most of all I did not get to feel a part of the church! That was sad because when you starting to learn about God if you're not together with other people that can really be your friends, that care about you and that are part of your life it's really easy to misunderstand some things, or to "understand" things the way you want and not the way they really are (and that lead me to do so many stupid things in my life). So, what I'm trying to say is that friendship is really important to create and to maintain communion, to help people to stay inside God's will for their life's, to serve God and give fruits!
God was (and still is) so good to me to put a friend in my life that was from another church, a smaller one, but full of receiving young people, and one day that friend invited me to go on a youth's camping of his church! I went, met people who were originally from my church, had a great time, and came back missing even more what I missed before in my church: friendship. It took me several months before I decided to move to that other church, I had to be sure first that I was not moving there just because of the people (because I once thought that was not what mattered, oh, so wrong), but that it was God's will that I went there. I attended my church in Brazil for a really short time before coming to Italy, but anyway I had the time of my life there!
And then I came here, started attending this church I'm attending now, met some Brazilian people there, became friends with them, found out that this was not the only church in the small city I live, but for some reason I continued to go there, and as time went by I found myself without any wish to go to church again (like I once felt in Brazil), week after week I asked God to give me the wish to go to church at least on Sunday's! And them Pisa happened, it was a great opportunity to get to know the young people from the church better, and it really worked, my will came back, but sometimes I feel like it's fading again, and I don't want that to happen, but I don't know what else I can do about it besides praying!
And then, praying day after day I at least realized what is my problem with this church: I'm comparing it to my church in Brazil, and it's making me want it to be something it's not. It's a church with great people, but people that seem to be at the beginning of something even if they spent all of their life's on that same church, and as everything that is in the beginning the results take some time to show up. So I've been feeling like I'm not doing anything meaningful. My wish to do something to change the world is so big that I can't even figure out a way to do it.
I guess I need to learn to have patience in doing God's work because eventually, if we are really doing what He asks us to do, the results will come. I need to learn to see the each day difference I can make before wanting to make a difference in History! But my heart cries out to make big things for Jesus, to give people all over the world the opportunity to know that there is a Saviour! Well, the fight between my heart and my head goes on day after day, and day after day all I can do is to ask God to use me the way He wants to!
I'm not sure if even I understand myself, so I don't intend that anyone that might read this will understand me, but I'm sure that God knows my heart, my heard, and that when I less expect He will make me see how He's using my life!
The song I've being listening a lot these days and that is inspiring me to want to change the world (and can't quite say if it's good or bad to be influenced this way, but I'm, I see what these guys are doing and I want to do great things like them.
"Solution" by Hillsong United
God bless you all!
24.5.07
14.5.07
Seek and you shall find!
"Ask, and it shall be given to you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened to you;" Mathew 7:7
It's easy to say what we are supposed to feel as Christians, but the fact is that only those who seek find what they are looking for!
This thought came to me while I was listening to the speech Sunday in the church. The pastor was talking about living in the room of the throne with Jesus and the Father, in the sense that nothing should threat us or the way we feel, that we should feel joy even if things do not go so well. And then it occurred to me that it's not every Christian that has the privilege of being in that place, and it's not because God doesn't want them to be, but it's because they don't search for it.
Some time ago I was one of these people, but one day I started searching, I started asking for this place, and He gave me that. Now I'm searching for other things, I'm asking God to show how He wants me to serve Him, I'm asking Him to make me find out what my talent is, I'm asking Him to give me love for people, etc. And the good thing is that I'm sure that at His time He will give me all I'm asking for!
The point is, if you want something (inside God's will, of course), start asking for it. If you want to have so much joy in your heart that you can't even explain, start seeking God, and you shall find!!
As the song says:
"... Your fire fall down
Fire fall down
On us we pray
As we seek..."
"Fire fall down" by Hillsong United
God bless you all!
It's easy to say what we are supposed to feel as Christians, but the fact is that only those who seek find what they are looking for!
This thought came to me while I was listening to the speech Sunday in the church. The pastor was talking about living in the room of the throne with Jesus and the Father, in the sense that nothing should threat us or the way we feel, that we should feel joy even if things do not go so well. And then it occurred to me that it's not every Christian that has the privilege of being in that place, and it's not because God doesn't want them to be, but it's because they don't search for it.
Some time ago I was one of these people, but one day I started searching, I started asking for this place, and He gave me that. Now I'm searching for other things, I'm asking God to show how He wants me to serve Him, I'm asking Him to make me find out what my talent is, I'm asking Him to give me love for people, etc. And the good thing is that I'm sure that at His time He will give me all I'm asking for!
The point is, if you want something (inside God's will, of course), start asking for it. If you want to have so much joy in your heart that you can't even explain, start seeking God, and you shall find!!
As the song says:
"... Your fire fall down
Fire fall down
On us we pray
As we seek..."
"Fire fall down" by Hillsong United
God bless you all!
11.5.07
Everything means everything!!
It's incredible how things happen, I think I never saw a person that decided to do something for God and had all the problems solved, I mean, of course that when someone makes a decision to be a disciple of Christ, to start working for God, to accept Christ the feeling is like every problem one has is small and can be solved through Jesus, but in practice is exactly when you make a decision that things really start to get more difficult.
Let me explain myself, I've been feeling a peace and a love inside of me that overcome anything, but in practice things seem to be getting worse. Last week was my birthday (the 4th of May), usually I'd like to invite some friends to go eating something, or better, cooking something and invite some friends, but for the first time in my life I didn't have the money to do anything, so I called some friends to go to the movies (because I already had a ticket), and as I called everyone in the last minute just two friends were able to go, but in the end it was really nice and fun, and I even got presents!! Well, in the same day I was told that I was not going to work that weekend, what means no money for one more week, the solution was to use the credit card, I asked my mom (who pays for it) and she told me it was OK, I could use it to eat.
Then the week went on, I had everything I needed: food and a place to live, but still I was (and still am) feeling very uncomfortable of living here and not helping them with any money (I life with a Brazilian family), and I hoped to work this weekend so I could give them something. I studied for the exam I had today, contacted the people from Agape Italia (the Campus Crusade for Christ here in Italy), started a new blog, sang, danced, and then, today afternoon I was told one again that I'm not going to work this weekend. That hit me! I started thinking: "What am I going to do? I have to find a job, I can't survive a long time with 3 euros in my wallet. But how will I get a job if I have no time to work except nights and weekends? How will I pass all the exams I have to take if I study and work at the same time, I already have more than 40 hours/week completely filled with the studies... and besides that I can't take going through all I went when I arrived here again, going to places, living the CV, talking to people who looks at you in a way that makes you feel like dying, trying your best to speak Italian, going again, hearing a lot of no's." I saw myself sad again, not wanting to do anything, not wanting to go home but not wanting to stay at the University either. Then I took a deep breath not to cry, told God that my heart was crying and that I needed His help. I set in one computer room, looked at some websites (oh, and I saw an article in a Brazilian newspaper that let me so mad, it was about Christianity and there were so many wrong things written on it that I almost wrote to them to complain, maybe I'll do it), and after a while I decided to take a walk and take the bus to go home. I took the longest way till the bus stop, then I took the bus that takes the longest way to get here, but that passes in the most beautiful views of the Como Lake, I turned my mp3 player on and started listening to "Here I'm to worship" in a really high volume (it's not good for the healthy of the ears, don't do this), still thinking about what should I do, talking to God about it and appreciating the views; and sometime in the way here I had a thought: "Did you think that when you told God you were going to give your life completely to Him, to do whatever He wanted you to do, and especially when you started doing something, that things would start to get easier? Well, you thought wrong, it's now that the battle begins".
It made me understand that I'll have to fight each day, but that even when problems seem to be unsolvable we need to remember that the battle we are fighting was already won by Jesus Christ when He died on that cross and rose from death on the third day, and the important thing is to never lose the joy in our hearts and never give up the fight!
I can't tell if in this life things will be easier one day, they might get easy, God can do whatever He wants, but even if they don't get any easier I'll praise, serve and love my God till the end, with all my heart and soul!!!!!!!!! And if it costs me everything, let it costs!!
"From the inside out" by United
God Bless You All!!!
Let me explain myself, I've been feeling a peace and a love inside of me that overcome anything, but in practice things seem to be getting worse. Last week was my birthday (the 4th of May), usually I'd like to invite some friends to go eating something, or better, cooking something and invite some friends, but for the first time in my life I didn't have the money to do anything, so I called some friends to go to the movies (because I already had a ticket), and as I called everyone in the last minute just two friends were able to go, but in the end it was really nice and fun, and I even got presents!! Well, in the same day I was told that I was not going to work that weekend, what means no money for one more week, the solution was to use the credit card, I asked my mom (who pays for it) and she told me it was OK, I could use it to eat.
Then the week went on, I had everything I needed: food and a place to live, but still I was (and still am) feeling very uncomfortable of living here and not helping them with any money (I life with a Brazilian family), and I hoped to work this weekend so I could give them something. I studied for the exam I had today, contacted the people from Agape Italia (the Campus Crusade for Christ here in Italy), started a new blog, sang, danced, and then, today afternoon I was told one again that I'm not going to work this weekend. That hit me! I started thinking: "What am I going to do? I have to find a job, I can't survive a long time with 3 euros in my wallet. But how will I get a job if I have no time to work except nights and weekends? How will I pass all the exams I have to take if I study and work at the same time, I already have more than 40 hours/week completely filled with the studies... and besides that I can't take going through all I went when I arrived here again, going to places, living the CV, talking to people who looks at you in a way that makes you feel like dying, trying your best to speak Italian, going again, hearing a lot of no's." I saw myself sad again, not wanting to do anything, not wanting to go home but not wanting to stay at the University either. Then I took a deep breath not to cry, told God that my heart was crying and that I needed His help. I set in one computer room, looked at some websites (oh, and I saw an article in a Brazilian newspaper that let me so mad, it was about Christianity and there were so many wrong things written on it that I almost wrote to them to complain, maybe I'll do it), and after a while I decided to take a walk and take the bus to go home. I took the longest way till the bus stop, then I took the bus that takes the longest way to get here, but that passes in the most beautiful views of the Como Lake, I turned my mp3 player on and started listening to "Here I'm to worship" in a really high volume (it's not good for the healthy of the ears, don't do this), still thinking about what should I do, talking to God about it and appreciating the views; and sometime in the way here I had a thought: "Did you think that when you told God you were going to give your life completely to Him, to do whatever He wanted you to do, and especially when you started doing something, that things would start to get easier? Well, you thought wrong, it's now that the battle begins".
It made me understand that I'll have to fight each day, but that even when problems seem to be unsolvable we need to remember that the battle we are fighting was already won by Jesus Christ when He died on that cross and rose from death on the third day, and the important thing is to never lose the joy in our hearts and never give up the fight!
I can't tell if in this life things will be easier one day, they might get easy, God can do whatever He wants, but even if they don't get any easier I'll praise, serve and love my God till the end, with all my heart and soul!!!!!!!!! And if it costs me everything, let it costs!!
"From the inside out" by United
God Bless You All!!!
9.5.07
The beginning....
Well, actually I have no idea why I'm starting a new blog, and even less idea of why I'm writing it in English, but... I just felt like doing it.
I think it will help me feel more involved with something really worth it (even thinking that nobody will read it), because I'd like this blog to be something encouraging to people that has chosen to follow Christ as I did.
It's interesting, two weeks ago I was completely tired of hearing always the same things: "Oh, don't worry, everything you're going through will be paid off", "God loves you so much, look how far you've got", etc. I was really irritated, couldn't hear any of this things anymore, I didn't care if I'd have a recompense in the end, or if God loved me, I needed something else, but I was not sure what was this "something else"! For so long I've been a believer, a fighter, a person that most people admire for its perseverance, but what nobody ever realized is that I was just a girl searching for a meaning to my life, I once thought that if I had money to do whatever I wanted I'd be happy, then, a little time later, I begin to think that what I needed was a boyfriend, I got one, but he just made me feel emptier (and the end of this relationship was a miracle that I'll tell someday), so I began to think that professional success would be it, I needed to enjoy what I was studying and find pleasure in it, then I would have that "something else"! Well, wrong again!!
The thing that I've been missing all this time was not to be loved by God, by someone, to have money or professional success, what was missing was my love for God. I've always heard and saw those people that do things for God, that get so involved during praises, that pray out loud... and even being among them never made me feel what they seemed to be feeling, and that let me so sad. I realized what was missing almost a year ago, maybe a little more than one year ago, and differently from the other things I did before, I started to pray asking God to make me feel this love that people say they feel, I wanted to feel my heart beat just by hearing His name, I wanted to think that nothing else mattered all the time...
And then it happened...
Even though it's been some time since I made my decision of accepting Jesus Christ as my Saviour I feel like I've decided to become a Disciple of Him this last week! As everything that God does is so perfect, the experience I had last week was also perfect.
I went to a Youth Alive conference in Pisa, and despite my wish to serve God, to see people being reached, to live the revival, I was not so excited about this conference. All I wanted was to go there and see what I was used to see in Brazil: young people worshiping with all of their hearts; I was not expecting anything for me, I had been sad the past months and all I was looking for was to see something familiar to my eyes to cheer me up a little bit.
I got a lot more than that. Since the beginning of the conference the Holy Spirit moved everyone in a way I could never imagine, at least not here in Italy.
I can't tell how exactly it happened, but He gave me the love I was looking for, He filled me with so much love for Him that I can't stop dancing anymore. I surely will never be the same again... and I'm so happy that even going through the hardest (financially speaking) week I've had since I arrived in Italy I've never felt better (nor even in Brazil)!!!
With all this happiness my willing of serving God only increases each day, and as I don't know where or how to start, as I don't know yet what is my talent (I always wanted to sing, but I can't, I'm terrible at it), I thought of writing because I love to do it, and I want to do everything I love for God.
So that's it, the beginning of a new blog, beginning o a new life, beginning of a new freedom, beginning of a new LOVE!
My life is changed, I wanna be with You, I wanna be with You!!
"Now that You're near" by Hillsong
God bless you all!
P.S.: Sorry about my poor English, hoping to improve it!!
I think it will help me feel more involved with something really worth it (even thinking that nobody will read it), because I'd like this blog to be something encouraging to people that has chosen to follow Christ as I did.
It's interesting, two weeks ago I was completely tired of hearing always the same things: "Oh, don't worry, everything you're going through will be paid off", "God loves you so much, look how far you've got", etc. I was really irritated, couldn't hear any of this things anymore, I didn't care if I'd have a recompense in the end, or if God loved me, I needed something else, but I was not sure what was this "something else"! For so long I've been a believer, a fighter, a person that most people admire for its perseverance, but what nobody ever realized is that I was just a girl searching for a meaning to my life, I once thought that if I had money to do whatever I wanted I'd be happy, then, a little time later, I begin to think that what I needed was a boyfriend, I got one, but he just made me feel emptier (and the end of this relationship was a miracle that I'll tell someday), so I began to think that professional success would be it, I needed to enjoy what I was studying and find pleasure in it, then I would have that "something else"! Well, wrong again!!
The thing that I've been missing all this time was not to be loved by God, by someone, to have money or professional success, what was missing was my love for God. I've always heard and saw those people that do things for God, that get so involved during praises, that pray out loud... and even being among them never made me feel what they seemed to be feeling, and that let me so sad. I realized what was missing almost a year ago, maybe a little more than one year ago, and differently from the other things I did before, I started to pray asking God to make me feel this love that people say they feel, I wanted to feel my heart beat just by hearing His name, I wanted to think that nothing else mattered all the time...
And then it happened...
Even though it's been some time since I made my decision of accepting Jesus Christ as my Saviour I feel like I've decided to become a Disciple of Him this last week! As everything that God does is so perfect, the experience I had last week was also perfect.
I went to a Youth Alive conference in Pisa, and despite my wish to serve God, to see people being reached, to live the revival, I was not so excited about this conference. All I wanted was to go there and see what I was used to see in Brazil: young people worshiping with all of their hearts; I was not expecting anything for me, I had been sad the past months and all I was looking for was to see something familiar to my eyes to cheer me up a little bit.
I got a lot more than that. Since the beginning of the conference the Holy Spirit moved everyone in a way I could never imagine, at least not here in Italy.
I can't tell how exactly it happened, but He gave me the love I was looking for, He filled me with so much love for Him that I can't stop dancing anymore. I surely will never be the same again... and I'm so happy that even going through the hardest (financially speaking) week I've had since I arrived in Italy I've never felt better (nor even in Brazil)!!!
With all this happiness my willing of serving God only increases each day, and as I don't know where or how to start, as I don't know yet what is my talent (I always wanted to sing, but I can't, I'm terrible at it), I thought of writing because I love to do it, and I want to do everything I love for God.
So that's it, the beginning of a new blog, beginning o a new life, beginning of a new freedom, beginning of a new LOVE!
My life is changed, I wanna be with You, I wanna be with You!!
"Now that You're near" by Hillsong
God bless you all!
P.S.: Sorry about my poor English, hoping to improve it!!
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